i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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