so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Farmville is her only friend.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
