That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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