I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
