Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
