dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
