weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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