Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
