I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
