69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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