dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
