Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
