I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
