Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
