My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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