Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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