How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
