OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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