U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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