I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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