So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
