I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
