Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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