If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The air taste purple.
Randomize
