i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
