but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
