erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
