new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
BRING THE BAGELS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
