is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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