Well douche your snatch and let's go!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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