I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
