i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
