someone threw a dead crab at me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
