Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
