Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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