fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
