Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
