dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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