I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
