like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
