she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
