I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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