nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
