well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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