out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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