I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
