just survived the first fart of the relationship.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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