He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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