i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
