i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
