I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Randomize
