Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
