I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
