oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
