I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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