Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
