I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
