brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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