I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is wine microwaveable?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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