Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
