people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
