hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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