Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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