i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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