If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
