too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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