I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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