apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
