My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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