you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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