he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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