so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
