I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
