Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
