I think my fart just growled at me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
