I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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